Can We Talk? Intergenerational Communication

By: Liz Tong

Stephanie Yang & Jennifer Kuo facilitated a moving and inspiring discussion for NATWA 1st & 2nd generation members focused around intergenerational communication on Saturday. They started the discussion off with a fun icebreaker where two teams of ten had to compete in a game that could best described as telephone charades; the first person on each team would get a phrase and have to communicate it (through gestures only) to the next person and that person onto the next. It was amusing to watch how a phrase could begin to morph and lose its original meaning so quickly! Seems this was an appropriate analogy of what can happen in intergenerational communication as well, where communication is and can be complicated because what one says and what another hears may not actually be the same thing at all.

The presenters kicked off the talk by giving some guidelines and reminders of ideas that help facilitate intergenerational communication and community building. This included: building together & spending time together (like this conference!), being open to sharing our lives with each other, asking questions, being open to compromise, active listening, sharing stories, , finding balance between being American/Canadian & Taiwanese, and lastly, understanding generational influences and context (ie, what our families situations where, how we grew up, who we grew up around, etc).

As we began the conversations between 1st and 2nd generation members, each generation was separated and asked to come up with a list of “what we think the other generation thinks of us.” This was a fun exercise because it built a sense of identification between our experience of a 1st or 2nd generation member & also built a sense of empathy to know that the other side actually hears what we think of them without defense, but rather, with a sense of humor. A brief excerpt from the 1st generation included: 1^st generations don’t listen & don’t understand, worry too much, nag, have a double standard, invade privacy, are overprotective, expect too much, are workaholics, are conservative, are authoritarian and demanding, are stingy, love them. A brief excerpt from the 2nd generation included: 2^nd generations are rebellious, too American, ungrateful, wasteful, too direct, smart, open-minded, self-centered & selfish, diplomatic, too liberal. As we began to see, these opinions have a story and context from which they come from and it is up to us to be curious and open-minded as opposed to defensive or assuming the other generation understands. We then segued into what I found to be the heart of this discussion which was our personal stories. We broke out into small groups mixed with both generations and listened to each others personal stories including important generational influences in our lives. Personally, as a 2nd generation member, it was moving to hear the range of personal struggle, resilience, & success that the 1st generations shared, as well as being able to share my own story of the struggles of a bicultural experience and how that has shaped me. We found that our stories begin that process of providing the context to help others understand who we are and what makes us who we are. Ultimately I believe good communication should lead to more closeness, and through this discussion, I felt a sense of closeness to these women I had only just met because I believe we all felt heard and seen and in that, a new-found connection.

Great job Stephanie & Jen! Thank you NATWA.